Embracing Faith

Dear Future Fateha,

How have you been? No wait, let's try this again. Serious, HOW have your BEEN? Are you 26 years old today? Ah, sweet 26, that is your lucky number right? Though technically not very original since it is your birth date after all, but never mind that now. You ARE 26? Fantastic! Means you lived through the (heart?)aching years and look at you this day, in the future, still prancing around like a kitten. Momma's proud of you. I'm excited to know how you are doing now. 


What are you working as? More importantly, are they paying you well? Are you happy with your Boss? I forsee that you always end up with Care Bears as your bosses, so that is the least of my worrieS. Are you married? Ofcourse you arent. Silly girl. A million heartaches and hope you learnt your lesson. Nevertheless, you should always consider to marry AND then procreate. I mean, not now but you know, perhaps it should be in Option A, and not Option Z. Talking about alphabets, how is Z? Ooooooh, alright sure, let's not get there then.

You know there are aplenty to do in life BUT when then you are stuck in moment because something or someone just bog your thoughts down. You think about what you want in the future, but relentlessly think about the more realistic picture of what will happen tomorrow, the week after, the month after that and so on. I hold back my thoughts so many times, because I just want to be happy. Just.Be.Happy. I want to be able to "stop and smell the flowers". I want my non-existent teenhood back. I don't remember the friends I have, I don't remember anymore the things I learnt in school. I don't remember anymore the boys I used to talk to. All because I'm to focused on what I want now and for future.

But what happens when you hope a big hope, wanting to share a future with someone, but they just thrust the thought back at you and go Whatchuwantfromme?

I am obliviously small, but nonchanlently big at heart - 90% of my life. I know, this makes me sound like I am actually a Buddha in my next life, but no I imply that I have so much to give to everyone, but at the end of the day, I still feel so empty inside.I am not soul searching or searching for my missing identity. I godforsaken know who I am but, I don't know what my heart wants FOR me. It might, possibly be I have to turn to God for answers.

Hmm, God.


That's a comforting thought for now...

DOES ANYBODY HAVE A SOLUTION?!