self reflection

*this post is a self-reflectory post*

I am not stupid.I am not stupid.I am not stupid.

I really suck at making decisions, and now i know why my parents are the ones who helped me with my primary school and secondary school (and JC) admission options.

Now they believe i am BIG enough (and matured !!??) to make WISE choice, but ironically, i am not.

*anugerah band music banging away in the background. oi. you guys suck la*

I am a big idiot and i hate life, ok not exactly hate HATE, but just a mini hate. Tsk tsk, Shame on me for NEVER being thankful. But seriously, like my previous post had mentioned, i'm turning a pessimist day by day.

I just hate it, everything just takes a turn and all my dreams ALMOST get stashed away, like with a snap of a finger.

For once in life, i'm feeling aimless. I don't want to talk to him, because i tried, and somehow we (or I) just snapped. Truthfully, what he said is 80% true, but i am still in denial. I cannot accept facts & I can't face reality. Ha Ha , Fateha is a sucker.

So what do i do next. I have to stop all these BIG AMBITIONS thing (ah ha HA an accountant with THAT kind of grades, I suck, for the second time!) and got to GET DOWN TO REALITY.

Somebody slap me, pinch me?

And she is right, i need think about this carefully, and not just to jump to a course just because i want to meet THEIR expecatations (parents' mainly?). I need time to think. And that is what i lack right now.

Why am i suddenly so open in this post!? All these while i've been keeping all my anguish and insecurity under covers, because like i said, i was too "innocent" that dreams/miracles do come true.

Fine fine, remind me that i suck please.

But after getting a real "knock on the head" , it's really time to WAKE up. No more lala land, no more pink lolipops and cute bunnies. It's all strategy, which also reminds me, hey, i need to GROW up. Quit whinning and crying and blamming people when thing don't turn MY way. Yes yes, i can be pretty demanding... that's a good thing right? I don't know, you decide.

It's my call. It's up to me. It's ALL up to me. Friends and families - they are just there to cheer you on , but all work should be done by yours truly, Me.

That's life, Fateha. Get real,for once.