My Prayers To God
I am feeling crest-fallen beyond description and I believe (or I choose to believe) that no one can shake me out of this because honestly, this 'uneasy' feeling has been bugging me for days now. I KNOW for good that I will just end up exploding into someone's face, and that might be Z's, he who fortunately, has a gifted talent of being surprisingly (whoah) patient with me .... 5 years ago. According to him I'm becoming more irrational -perhaps too deluded with my own problems- that sometimes I aghast him with my choice of words when I am speaking out of coughangercough.
But here it is...do you believe in God?
I believe in God 100%, but I don't pray to him like any Muslim should be doing. 5 times a day of praying yakyakyak all that stuff. But I condone praying to God. I mean literally reaching out your hand and talk to him, seek him for forgiveness or blessing or pray to God that your Mother won't hammer you 'much' for exploding the house telephone bill (not me, this refers to my brother).
But I think PRAYING doesn't solve anything. AT ALL. You can pray 1000 times a day, but what makes you think that this will INCREASE your chance of your prayers being picked up by God's reception? --Assuming God has some hi-tech prayer-detection device.
I BELIEVE it doesn't work that way. You pray, then you tell yourself, oh heavens why is life so hard etc and then you see that NOTHING is working or happening then you decide omy GOD didn't ANSWER my prayers so what should I do next? PRAY SOME MORE.
Then you continue praying and praying and as expected, nothing happens.
Why can't people see that IT IS NOT ABOUT THE PRAYING. It's about working hard after what you have prayed for!!!!! You go to God and you say, I pray that I will do well in my future. Ok. Good one. But if you just sit there and even if you prayed 10 times a day but when it comes to working you are the number 1 sloth in the office, heck it, God hates you. Or more like he will love you LESS.
I was wondering, maybe, GOD IS REALLY FAIR, because HE rewards you IF and only IF he sees that you took the effort to make your prayers come true! One-off efforts are not counted ofcourse, in case you cheater bugs think that 1 effort made is suffice, you horrible people.
Then I thought to myself, does it work the other way round? Example, you studied so hard for an exam, but then 1 week before your result day, you prayed to God that you will pass with ab-so-lute-lay bursting colours of euphoria that is soooo colourful that it'll make blind people see colours once more. Does this count? Will God think that I am 'using' him as a cheat code to secure a pass in my exam??? Help!
The truth is, it has been a bumpy 2010 for me. I experienced more hardship than any other years before this because the ones whom I love sees me differently, both in a good and bad way.
I won't say I experienced increased level of tearfalls this year, but it was definitely mentally arduous to catch up on all issues, problems and whatnots that jiggle their way into my life.
It IS comforting to pray to God. Sometimes I don't pray to God, but I TALK to him because it makes me feel closer to him. Perhaps it's just a psychological thing. But I choose to do it because it clears my mind before I sleep and I can talk about anything I want without 'troubling' the other person to listen to me rants!
All those bullshit that people say that hardships make you strong-er (or strong girl), IT'S NOT BULLSHIT, IT'S TRUE. Nowadays, I can smile to myself -like a Cheshire cat- when a problem comes along although it'll look pretty pretentious, at least I feel better about myself you see.
Growing up is not easy kids. The pressure is already piling up. Although my parents do not bulldoze me to one corner and give lectures about growing up,succeeding in life and contributing to the family (help!) I can feel they they are already waiting for something. 'Something' like what? NO FRIGGIN IDEA.
Have a great holiday.
But here it is...do you believe in God?
I believe in God 100%, but I don't pray to him like any Muslim should be doing. 5 times a day of praying yakyakyak all that stuff. But I condone praying to God. I mean literally reaching out your hand and talk to him, seek him for forgiveness or blessing or pray to God that your Mother won't hammer you 'much' for exploding the house telephone bill (not me, this refers to my brother).
But I think PRAYING doesn't solve anything. AT ALL. You can pray 1000 times a day, but what makes you think that this will INCREASE your chance of your prayers being picked up by God's reception? --Assuming God has some hi-tech prayer-detection device.
I BELIEVE it doesn't work that way. You pray, then you tell yourself, oh heavens why is life so hard etc and then you see that NOTHING is working or happening then you decide omy GOD didn't ANSWER my prayers so what should I do next? PRAY SOME MORE.
Then you continue praying and praying and as expected, nothing happens.
Why can't people see that IT IS NOT ABOUT THE PRAYING. It's about working hard after what you have prayed for!!!!! You go to God and you say, I pray that I will do well in my future. Ok. Good one. But if you just sit there and even if you prayed 10 times a day but when it comes to working you are the number 1 sloth in the office, heck it, God hates you. Or more like he will love you LESS.
I was wondering, maybe, GOD IS REALLY FAIR, because HE rewards you IF and only IF he sees that you took the effort to make your prayers come true! One-off efforts are not counted ofcourse, in case you cheater bugs think that 1 effort made is suffice, you horrible people.
Then I thought to myself, does it work the other way round? Example, you studied so hard for an exam, but then 1 week before your result day, you prayed to God that you will pass with ab-so-lute-lay bursting colours of euphoria that is soooo colourful that it'll make blind people see colours once more. Does this count? Will God think that I am 'using' him as a cheat code to secure a pass in my exam??? Help!
The truth is, it has been a bumpy 2010 for me. I experienced more hardship than any other years before this because the ones whom I love sees me differently, both in a good and bad way.
I won't say I experienced increased level of tearfalls this year, but it was definitely mentally arduous to catch up on all issues, problems and whatnots that jiggle their way into my life.
It IS comforting to pray to God. Sometimes I don't pray to God, but I TALK to him because it makes me feel closer to him. Perhaps it's just a psychological thing. But I choose to do it because it clears my mind before I sleep and I can talk about anything I want without 'troubling' the other person to listen to me rants!
All those bullshit that people say that hardships make you strong-er (or strong girl), IT'S NOT BULLSHIT, IT'S TRUE. Nowadays, I can smile to myself -like a Cheshire cat- when a problem comes along although it'll look pretty pretentious, at least I feel better about myself you see.
Growing up is not easy kids. The pressure is already piling up. Although my parents do not bulldoze me to one corner and give lectures about growing up,succeeding in life and contributing to the family (help!) I can feel they they are already waiting for something. 'Something' like what? NO FRIGGIN IDEA.
Have a great holiday.
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